Creating in Emptiness

Revisiting this blog, after almost a year. So much has happenned. I really should write more often. Make that – I really will write more often.

A friend left for a month – leaving me with suddenly empty evenings. All current personal projects, brainstorming sessions and pleasant outings came to a sudden stop. When I was done watching the latest movies I had bought – the questions has started settling in… what do I do? Such bouts of ‘not-knowing’ have a history of turning into some of the most creative periods of my life, and I am looking forward to it.

Something similar happenned when I was at home for almost two months after TAPMI (the college where I did my post grad) convocation. I was alone at home in the city where I grew up. The streets seemed unfamilliar with no familiar faces in sight. A whole generation had left the city and a strangeness blanketed the familar ‘black field’, the ‘football ground’ and the ‘community center’. Even the tennis court had looked intimidating then. My only responsibility then had been to make myself available at dinner and lunch. And I spent a lot of time walking to the browsing center and sending ‘Miss You’ mails to modellites – that’s what our college gang called (calls?) itself. After a while of dealing with this sudden silence, something inside me began to stir. A need to create, a need to express. It appeared with doodling on blank pieces of paper, capturing an idea on the blank sides of the newspaper while solving a crossword and slowly… slowly… took form. This ‘stirring’ led to me writing a rought sketch of a screenplay based on TAPMI days. And I started writing a book called ‘What the F is the meaning of life’. Still incomplete, the book is a potential best-seller 🙂 , it’s just that I have not had much ‘quiet time’ since then…… till now!

I need these stirrings, or these ‘quiet times’ to create and express ‘felt’ things. Otherwise I just get too involved in living life. But the stirring is there. I can feel it. That is wonderful. Therefore, the return to the blog!

So, the next month or so – should ideally be extremely creative and soul-satisfying for me. Make that – will be extremely creative and soul satisfying for me.

Also, working on my new web site (which I recently registered) www.abhishekkumar.com .

Will come back.

I should have…

The saddest words in English Language are – “I should have….”

The novel ‘War and Peace’ by Leo Tolstoy has a character called Ian. Ian is old and he is dying. On his deathbed this is what Ian says to himself

“What if my whole life has been wrong? What if all I did was live by the rules – others wanted me to live by? What if those rare flashes of inspiration – which lasted only a few seconds and which I let pass as something abnormal – were the real thing? What if I never did what was really important to me? What if all the happiness I felt was only incidental – not created? What if the happiness I felt could have been deeper, richer and more intense? What if I never really asked myself what was important and never figured it out? What if… what if my whole life has been wrong?”

In the twilight of life, it is not what you did that bothers you – it is what you didn’t do, what you could have done – that gnaws at your soul.

In old age, with so little left in the future and so much there in the past, you will come back and live your life all over again. A life that is being created now, as you read this message. Try and make it a life, you can look back on and tell your grandchildren about, and laugh silently at the looks of admiration in their eyes.

Because the alternative is grow into a cynical, bitter old person where you will choose to make your existence mundane, routine and uneventful while the wait for inevitable death continues.

Remember, we do grow old and die, you know.

Wake up call

A person who is sleeping can be woken up.

A person who is pretending to sleep cannot be woken up.

The worst and the most significant lies are those which we tell ourseleves.

The worst actions are the ones that we take, all the while knowing that our soul does not want it.

The worst thougths are those which tell us that we deserve something less than the best that life has to offer.

The worst words are those which we speak knowing that they will offend someone who truly cares.

And even if you do all of these things, you still remain a worthy, good human being – yet become worthless in your own eyes. You become like a street drug peddler, who looks shiftily in every direction, aware of the dangers, on the lookout for an opportunity to make a sale, all the while knowing that what he is doing is wrong, yet doing it because he does not know any better. The street drug peddler, if he could forget himself for a moment, is a wonderful, magnanimous, great human being. So are we. If only we could forget ourselves.

No matter what your age, sex or circumstances, you are mostly made up of unused potential.
Life does not become great or beautiful by philosophizing about it. Life does not become great by listening to preachers or reading manuscripts of wisdom. Life does not become great by making yourself feel good about how great you are. Life becomes what it is because of a simple word. HABIT.

Your present moment of NOW is the only time in which you are alive. In which you will ever be alive. Your present moment of NOW is dictated by habit. Your life is nothing but a cumulative sum of your present moments.

Finally, a quote sums up what I have to say…

Life is measured not by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.

Crows Share

When crows get food, they do not eat it all by themselves. They go and call everyone else too. So that everyone gets to eat – the logic being that when some other crow finds food, he will do the same thing. If every crow shares – ALL crows get to eat and nobody dies of hunger. Its called an Abundance mindset. (Of course, we human beings do seem to have good reasons why thousands should die of hunger every day. World hunger exists because we think there are less resources. Its a scaracity mindset.)

I updated and quite changed the look and feel of the web site around two weeks back. Hope everyone likes the new web site. I wish everyone a belated happy new year! I pray that this new year brings you greater opportunities to grow, learn and express more of your potential.

With the Abundance Mindset, I have shared information which I think should be useful to you. Do go through the web site. ‘Notes from Abhishek’ is an attempt to share the insights, learnings, aha’s that I have.

I hope the synchronicity of you visiting the web site leads you to answers you are looking for. All the best.